


It Was a Pleasure to Burn

by Ab0019



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004) RPF, A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Evil AU, Other, Written in the style of LM
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-11-14 03:07:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18044309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ab0019/pseuds/Ab0019
Summary: When three orphans are placed into a local actor's care following the engulfing of their estate and murder of their parents, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny must craft a plan to gain accesses to to their parent's fortune.Even if that means betraying a few people.(An Evil!Baudelaires AU)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thanks for clicking on my fanfic!
> 
> Firstly, I would like to give credit to a Tumblr drawing I saw. While I am sadly unable to recall the exact AU, I give full credit to them for this idea :)
> 
> Secondly, while I will attempt to post as frequently as possible, please understand I'm still a student and with the school year coming to a close, only have so much time. (Plus my anxiety has been through the roof lately. I’m Student-Director for my school’s musical and I’m dealing with something there that’s quite draining though lucking seems to coming to an end 🤞)
> 
> Finally, please understand that English is not my first language. While I develop more and more with each time I write, German (my first language) is quite difficult to translate to English at times, especially when you can be expressive in one language but not the other. If you find any sort of spelling error, grammar mistake, or misusage punctuation, know that it’s not because I lack the knowledge, but instead that it simply doesn’t translate well :)
> 
> Uhhhhh,,, that's all. Enjoy?

“It was a pleasure to burn.”  
-Ray Bradbury

 

While it is true no person-No noble one at least- is every to be in favor of setting a home on fire for self gain (Let alone their own), there were few in this world who would be willing to do anything to get what they want. People such as the Baudelaires children, in particular.

Though it was never something they had hoped to do nor enjoyed doing, upon seeing the large sum of money granted to the children once their parents did pass away was far too large to wait for.

With a quick strike of the match followed with a musty, choked smell to top it off, the three saw the entire estate engulf in flames. The house moaned under the stress as both kinfolk and servants alikes’ scream plauged the smoky air.

It is true that the three should have felt guilt, sadness, or any other sort of pangs of emotion to make the wish they would have never set the fire, but the only thing any of them could think about was the large sum of money that was to come.

Though I suppose, just as told in Sir. Isaac Newton’s third and possibly the most quoted and memorial law, “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.”

This is why I not only insist but implore that you please, turn away and read some other story, one where there is not fire to be set and no evil schemes to be crafted are put into play. One where a lonesome actor isn’t tormented by selfish and vile orphans and a play presenting a fake marriage with an evil motive isn’t showcased to the unknowing public.

But then again, who are you to listen to a somber writer’s warnings?

With all do respect,  
-Ab0019


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve decided that instead of posting long chapters, I’m going to post it scene by scene because I suck at transitions and it will take me 3 years to finish if not.
> 
> Enjoy??

“You’d have to be a public  _nuisance_ to believe we’re not going to touch a single penny of our parent’s money until I come of age!” Violet, the eldest of the three Baudelaires growled, standing to her feet in order to tower of the sitting banker in front of her. “The will clearly states the money belongs to us. In addition,  _Arthur_ , how in the world do you expect us to live if we have no money?”

”On the contrary!” Mr. Poe said gleefully, seemingly unphased by the the eldest Baudelaire’s plees. “You’re parents will clearly states to you live with your closest living relative, so the idea of homelessness and lack of money will be of no such worry!”

”And who would this guardian happen to be?” Klaus, the middle child, asked with a peek of intrest. Thought he’d previously skimmed through his parents will before setting the estate aflame, he saw no mention of any sort of adoption.

”A local actor by the name of Count Olaf.” Mr. Poe said before trailing off. “Granted, he’s technically not your closest living relative, but he was the only one who would willingly take you since rumor spread of you burning your own home.”

”Namico.” Sunny, the youngest, gritted, as what she really meant was “And they all would be correct!””

”This can’t be legally binding, they’re dead!” Violet cried. “Klaus, tell him this isn’t legally binding and he has to give us the money or else he’ll loose his job!”

But despite her cries, Klaus could do nothing except shake his head in defeat.

 


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know what to write here but I want to do it for every chapte so I can say I actually eNgAgE with my readers.
> 
> So yeah.
> 
> I have a dog named Taco and he has a really long middle name I can recite from memory. He’s a 3 year old Jack-Russell Chihuahua and while we didn’t name him, we did get him on the 5th of May, which is considered to be a holiday in Mexico. (We also got a dog named Scooby, though everyone called him Scoobert, but something went wrong where we had to give him up. Luckily he found a new, hopefully better home!)
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> Engagement. Fun.

“Beatrice.. She and Betrand died? Alone? What happened?” Olaf gasped.

See, following the both planed and unexpected death of the Baudelaire parents, Mr. Poe had made it his duty to personally go to the listed closest living relatives house and inform him of how he would have to take care of said children. While he had nothing against taking the three in, it didn’t mean he was any less dumbfounded by the sudden loss of two of his closest friends.

”Well..” Mr. Poe began, drumming his fingers on his desk as he spoke. “While there is so evidential proof of doing so, it is highly suspected the children set the house ablaze themselves. While there is no true reason that they’re leading on, there is reason to believe it was to gain access to their parent’s substantial fortune.”

”They’re firestarters?” Olaf gasped.

“I beg your pardon?” Mr. Poe questioned.

Olaf carefully slumped down into his own chair, avoiding the suspicious eyes of the banker.

”Slang.. slang used between a large amount of people and myself.” He corrected. “But that’s besides the point, did they start the fire? On purpose?”

Pondering a second, Mr. Poe raised up his index finger to show his contemplation.

”You must keep in mind these are just rumors. While I’ll admit their personality’s prove to be..money driven.. I believe there is also the possibility that they were just joking around, playing hooky and smoking cigarettes..” Mr. Poe trailed off.

”Home-schooled kids playing hooky? At their own house?” Olaf questioned, raising his one, long, eyebrow. “Doubt.”

”So you’re not going to take them in?” Mr. Poe continued.

”What happens if I don’t? Where would they end up living if I don’t?”

“Well..” Mr. Poe said, tracing his pen across his desk until coming to the edge. “They’d likely be split up, put into some sort of boarding school system.. possibly and orphanage? No, no, the oldest to to old.. so probably split up. The oldest at a girls school, the middle at a boys school, and the youngest at an orphanage.”

 Giving it less then a meet thought, Olaf slammed his hand on the desk and sat up.

”Give me the papers.”


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back~~
> 
> Sadly though, I’m not sure for how long. Entering the 4th quarter of this stressful school year, I have an abundance of tests where their on purpose is to prove that I can memorize things I learned for 7 months ago. While this would usually be useful and a good time to write (I’m a fast test taker, and we have quite a while to finish these) to add more on to the story or even just map out a chapter, I’m displeased to say that they completely lock down the internet for the 3 weeks and as individuals are granted no more than a book to ponder over. (Hi! Future Amber here to say my best- and worst- dreams have come true..? My brother kicked me in the knee awhile back and I’m getting it checked out soon, and if it’s as bad as the pain hints towards, I’ll be able to miss half a semester’s worth of gym and have time to think about the fic. 🤞)
> 
> In addition, my school is also presenting they’re musical within 2 weeks and playing a bigger role than I would ever expect myself to earn, I’ll have to spend the time being at school from 8:50 to 18:30.
> 
> Never the less, I will try to update as often as possible. Though I may not show it (or respond.. I promise I’m reading each of you’re kind and supportive comments, I just don’t know how to express my gratitude without sounding like a broken record of appreciation ❤️) I am forever thankful for each and everyone one of your Kudos and comments. They really keep me going and shows me people find enjoyment in something I never thought would earn even a meer glance.
> 
> Therefore, I wrote a longer than usual chapter to show just how much all your support means to me!
> 
> Enjoy!

The ride to their new guardians house was.. tense to say the least.

While the three Baudelaire children were longing the day they would gain access to their parents’s large and uncountable fortune, they also felt a pang if anger having to wait for such a long time under the care of some random person stated in the will.

”If it is really going to take this long to gain access to the money,” Klaus stated on the car ride over. “Then I almost wonder if it would have been in our better intrest to have pushed off the fire.”

”Nonsense,” Violet responded smuggly, peering out the old roadster’s smudged windows. “Besides, we couldn’t risk it. As far as they know, we’re hopeless children  _devastated_ by our parents loss. But if we were to have waited until I turned of age? Inspections, interrogations, conspiracy..”

”Reason to believe the adults committed murder to get money.” Klaus grimaced.

“What’s this about money?” Mr. Poe questioned looking to the back to meet eyes with all three Baudelaires.

”Norfgad.” Sunny said, meaning ‘We’re talking about how distraught we are about not getting our money sooner.”

But, as most adults do, Mr. Poe did not understand a word young Sunny said, and instead looked to her older siblings for a translation.

But instead of revealing they’re anguish and being turned over to the already suspicious police, Violet simply smoothed out her dress and improvised a sad monologue.

”We were just discussing our parents somber and unexpected death and how much of a toll it has taken on our poor, innocent sister. See, she doesn’t know what she’ll do without a parental figure to raise her correctly-“

”She’ll have a parental figure to raise her, your going to go live with him right now.” Mr. Poe inserted.

” _I’m not finished_!” Violet thrashed angrily until Klaus rested his hand on her knee in a way of saying “Calm down.”

”As I was going to say,” Violet growled, both thankful and angry at her brother for holding her back. “I believe a child can only receive the finest upraising but one’s biological parents. No exceptions.”

”What about children adopted from birth?” Mr. Poe added, obviously not seeing how close he was from being slapped the first time.

Reaching forward to do something she’d likely regret later, Violet prepared herself to strike the banker in the face despite her brother’s pleas. (Despite being just as evil and wicked as his sisters, Klaus was more into public humiliation instead of private abuse.)

But before Violet could take such action, Mr. Poe recklessly turned the roadster into a winding driveway. 

“Sorry for such a quick turn, Baudelaires, I’m afraid I merely missed that turn.” Mr. Poe said gleefully, adjusting his now tilted hat. “It would have been a shame, passing your soon to be new home.”

”Wenn nur.” Sunny said, rolling her eyes. ‘If only’

Pulling her hand back, Violet couldn’t look at her brother with pain in her eyes, and not because she hadn’t succeeded in harming the idiotic banker.

“Are you scared?” Klaus teased, grabbing Sunny as he pushed open the car door and climbed out.

”No!” She yelled defensively. “Just.. upset. What if this new guardian gains control over or money?”

”Your money is to be locked down until you come of age Violet.” Mr. Poe chimed in, handing the three Baudelaires their luggage. “And you’re guardian seemed extremely nice when I spoke to him, said he knew your parents. He lives right up there.”

Mr. Poe quickly shifted his own bag from one hand to another before pointing right in front of the four at a substantial house.

While had looked like it had been through quite a few windstorms, winters, and even a couple hail storms, the house still provided a warm and comforting aesthetic. Windows painted bright pink to compliment the pastel yellow walls and a roof painted sky blue, the house looked almost livable for the three orphans. 

And infront of it, stood an older looking lady doning a long flowing judge’s gown and musty looking powdered wig.

”Good morning.” Klaus smiled as he shifted Sunny. 

“Oh, Good morning!” The lady glimmered. “Yes, good morning..”

”Baudelaires.” Violet staired as she pointed to each one of her siblings before herself. “Sunny, Klaus, and Violet Baudelaire.”

“Well, my name is Justice Strauss.”

Klaus quickly peered at his sisters before calmly stepping forward.

”Justice? Are you a judge?”

Justice Strauss carefully clutched her gown and did a bow as a form of presentation.

”Of the high court I must add.”

”We could have never imagined we’d have a judge for a guardian.” Violet scoffed. Was this their parent way of testifying them after their death? Put them with a judge and see how long they would take to crack? Pitiful.

”Guardian?” She asked, taken a little oof guard. “Goodness, no, I don’t think I can handle children.. where are your parents? Aren’t they your parents?”

”Oh, no, their parents burned up in a fire, they’re orphans now.” Mr. Poe said happier then he should have. “No, I’m afraid not Baudelaires, your parents stated on their will they wanted you to live there.”

Pointing in an opposite direction, Mr. Poe smiled.

“You three, will be living there.”

The house, unlike Justice Strauss’s, was painted a musty, damaged grey and had cracked windows to spare. The roof was littered with discarded twigs and leaves and the garden looked like it’d been sprayed with rat poison instead of fertilizer.

The house seemed unlivable, and seemingly made living with a high-court judge seem like a dream.

”Kuso.” Sunny sighed. ‘Fuck.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know whether to make Justice Strauss evil and help with the scheme or just blind as ever and.. also help with the scheme..


	5. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> You’ll never guess who went to the doctor today.
> 
> It’s me, I did.
> 
> Anyway, they concluded the problem was either in the meniscus or knee cap, and I had to go get an x-ray at a huge hospital. (No, I didn’t get my head cut off, and no, the building was not set on fire :( )
> 
> Luckily, nothing seemed broken and the ladies said it might be growing pains.
> 
> Too bad I’m done growing and have had this pain since October.
> 
> But in all I don’t know what will come next. Like it or not, my knee is in constant pain that I can not control. Because the X- Ray brought no light to the situation, I’m afraid to say I might have to go in for a MRI scan. (Hey! Future Amber! Apparently my knee is at least sprained and I have to go to an Orthopedic Specialist)
> 
> Hurray.

“Who the hell are you?” Violet snarled when the man who was supposedly their guardian, opened the door.

”What she meant to say-“ Mr. Poe began, both embarrassed and upset about the oldest Baudelaire’s manners.

”I don’t care what she had to say.” The man cut off. Stepping forward, he carefully inspected each child; Frown here, pull whatever crumb may be on their shirts, off their shirts there.. 

“We’ve never met you,  _sir_ , so why not introduce yourself like a regular human being?” Klaus muttered in vain.

But instead of giving the Baudelaires and Mr. Poe any sort of response or even gesture suggesting so, the man calmly stopped at Violet, meeting her eyes and looking her over as he did so.

”You look like Beatrice,” he hummed, though a hint of pain could faintly be heard in his voice. 

”Makes sense, considering she did give  _birth_ to me.” She pulled away violently. 

Noting her disinterest, he carefully stepped back to his original position and let out a long and bland sigh.

”And sarcasm like your father, that damn fool. Literary devices here, Allusions there..”

The man looked to the ground in shame, having embarrassed himself by talking about the three’s parents.

”But that’s besides the point.” He recovered. “I am Count Olaf. Though I have no sort of kinship with you three, I became very close with your mother and.. Father.”

He looked directly at Violet as he said father.

”Shonvac.” Sunny roller her eyes. ‘Why do you keep stairing and Violet? If you like her so much why don’t you just marry her?’

With that, Violet glared at her now giggling little sister.

But Klaus realized something. Instead of explaining then and there, he handed the toddler over to his sister and collected himself to present a sophisticated  demeanor.

”May we please go to our room, Count Olaf? I’m simply famished and can’t bare to stand any longer.” Klaus recited, using dramatic words to express his supposed tiredness.

”Klaus, that’s no way to greet your new guardian-“ Mr. Poe began, crossing his arms firmly.

”No, no, it seems to have been a long day.” Count Olaf cut off. “Your room is right up there, to the left. I’ll stay down here and finish signing the papers.”

 

 

Though it may seem to Olaf that the three Baudelaire children were only a little rude and had full potential to live up to their parent’s noble ways, he couldn’t have been further from correct.

No, as he would soon regret taking in the three.

Despite his experience with wicked people with even wickeder ideas, he without a doubt did not catch the glimmer of an idea in Klaus’s eyes.

An idea that would leave him feeling worse then he’d even felt before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I low key enjoy the head cannon that Lemony is Violet’s daughter, so I’m gonna make that a sort of side thing in this.
> 
> Does Violet know this?
> 
> Possibly.
> 
> Does she hate that part about her?
> 
> Most definitely.


	6. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~
> 
> It’s officially my school’s show week, and yah girl has been moved to spotlight.
> 
> Does this include being 40 feet in the air with a kid who won’t shut up, messes around too much, and criticized you for not being able to use a spotlight perfectly because of your knee and the fact that it’s only your second day?
> 
> Yeah....
> 
> Is it better then standing for 2 hours and causing more pain then you already have.
> 
> Nah, but thats life I suppose.
> 
> Enjoy?

“You were thinking of something.” Violet said, matter of factly, as she slammed their room’s door behind them.

”It is estimated that the average persons thinks 2,000 times a day, so there is a good chance I was thinking.” Klaus shot back.

Shooting her brother a glare, Violet quickly threw Sunny onto a bad before stalking over to him.

”Well no shit, Sherlock.” She growled. “You has that glimmer that you have whenever you’re thinking of something vile.  _Tell me what it is_.”

”Staben mu coanchi.” Sunny sighed from the bed as she played with the hem of her dress. ‘Yeah, Klaus, stop being a dick.’

Shooting both his sisters a glare before slumping down into his own bed, the middle Baudelaire merely opened his suitcase and pulled out a thick book.

Though, the books front had nothing but a few scratches and worn edges to show its age, the spin held the words ‘Nuptial Law’ printed in glimmering gold letters.

”What’s that?” Violet squinted. 

“It’s a law book, you imbecile!” Klaus cried. “A book about marriage laws, and what you can and cannot do!”

Stepping over and throwing the book to his sister, Klaus starred at his sister as she turned it over in her hand.

”So? How is this going to get us the fortune?”

 “Remember that fairy tale wedding you used to dream about?” Klaus said slyly.

”Yeah, so what?” Violet spat.

Taking the book back and strutting over to the open-faced suitcase, Klaus simply smirked at Violet.

”How about we complete your dreams.. with a 45 year old man who could gain us access to the fortune?”

**Author's Note:**

> Liked the chapter? Tell me how you feel! Every kudo or comment you give let’s me know people enjoy what they read!


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